11:27 p.m. - 04-12-12
Too little too late
I remember saying goodbye, dropping her off them coming home. I laid down to go to sleep and couldn't. My heart pounded, I felt sick to my stomach. I knew. I just knew this was the end if I didn't do SOMEthing. So I called her. Woke her up and asked if we could talk.
I apologized when she opened the door to her hotel room. I figured it was promising she at least would hear me out. She asked what was up and I could barely stammer out, "I wanna date you." I've always had a way with words (a poor way), but that was bad even for me. The hardest part is always getting started, but once I did I pleaded what I felt was a good case. I mean, she was on record as saying hanging with me was like hanging with herself. We thought the same, liked the same stuff... It was perfect... Except for the fact after the next day, she was leaving.
I remember her response still... "You're just so far away." There was more after that, but none of it explained the reasons I didn't hear what I'd hoped to hear.
I thanked her for at least letting me get that out there. That was the last time I saw her. We stopped speakinf shortly after that night. That was 2006...
I ask a lot of people to move with me wherever I go. When I find friends or girls who can make me happy, proximity only seems logical. No one has ever asked me to move anywhere. Well, take that back. German Mike did when I got laid off from the newspaper. He didn't hesitate. He just said, "dude... Just come back with us."
That meant a lot that someone cared enough to want me around.
Flash forward.
Seems I've done it again. There's just no way I'll see her before she leaves. Got confirmation today. So just like that I'm back to "out of sight, out of mind" status. Like I said, it's been a while since I felt like this-- both the good parts when we were together, and the bad now that she's gone. I did what I could to try and get something started. Just ran out of time....
Sigh...
I really hope it's not out of sight, out of mind again...
